Today I cried because finally I couldn't recognize you. I couldn't find the person I had loved and revered. Instead I saw a person who didn't know the language of love and had never known sentiments. Till date I was standing on the periphery of is and was. But today I finally took the plunge and embraced was for is had become unbearable now.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Today I reached a long lost friend's profile on Facebook and from there began a journey down the memory lane as one after another familiar names started tumbling out. Some known faces, some unknown... trying to put up the best pieces of their lives for display. I smiled looking at their smiles, thinking how far had they reached from what I remember of them last.
Some were toppers, while some failures in school but today they were standing together as equals on the pedestal of life albeit in different countries. As I tried remembering some fond memories with them, I couldn't reach any. All I remembered was having them around me, perhaps that is why they were and not are in my life.
Just then I noticed something. Facebook was asking me : Do you know XYZ? Send a friend request / message to connect. My smile grew wider as my heart answered, " No I don't know them." And I closed the window. They were nothing of what I remembered them, today they seemed like any random stranger on Facebook to me devoid of any memories binding them to me. Maybe this is what is called, "making peace with your past."
Monday, September 14, 2015
"I have a past..." He managed to whisper finally.
"So what? We all do. It is from those ruins of the past that we build mansions of our future." I replied.
I had been trying to get him open up since long but he simply refused to speak. These four words was the first thing he had spoken in last one hour and it didn't help in any manner. It felt like some cryptic message waiting to be decoded. Working as a counselor this wasn't something new to me, what was new was his calm demeanor.
He had been here since last 2 weeks, brought in by a caring friend who had seen severe suicidal symptoms in him and wanted to save his life. Save his life, we did. All of together. What none of us could do was understand his life. He simply refused to open up to what was gnawing him till today when finally I had managed to enter his good books as a confidante and finally he whispered to me,
"No... my future is held as a captive by my past who is threatening to ruin my present too now."
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Saturday, September 12, 2015
By the time I had turned 17, I was convinced I am the worst shrew possible on planet earth. And to top it all, I was sent away from home. They felt it was necessary to teach me few lessons of life. Today when I look back I am glad they did this, but then it made me more lonelier. Away in an alien city with no friends, I was sucked deeper into my own shell. On thinking about it, perhaps the roots for my constant desire to be on my own were sown during this time. I learnt the real meaning of life in this phase which lasted for almost 8 years shaping me into someone I call Me now.